It happens to all of us, right?
One tiny slip, one minor misjudgment, or one nagging friend who claims “Nah duude, just send it, you’ll be fine!” and your back, looking at the sky, wondering where it all went wrong. This is usually followed by two thoughts;
“What’s broken?” and “How long is it going to take to heal?”
I’ve been laid up for the past two weeks, due to something so routine and harmless yet just enough to make me miss three days of summer riding in Colorado at one of the top snowboard training facilities in the world. Bad timing much? And as it tends to happen, things go from bad to worse. I flew home early only to learn from my doctor that I would be spending the next three weeks without work at home with mono.
So with one week left, and a lot of time left to sit around, I’ve decided to share some of my experience and knowledge and make your next recovery session pain-free and over before you know it.
Top Necessary Tools For Surviving Life On The Couch
1. A Big Ass T.V.
– Preferably 50″ or bigger, and definitely no smaller than 42″. When your best/only friend/only thing you’ll be seeing for a while is your TV, that shit better be tight. I’m talking 1080p HD, LCD or Plasma with enough refresh speed to make your Call of Duty movements as smooth as butter on a hot muffin.
* Note: PS3, or Xbox also required. I didn’t say this was gonna be cheap.
2. Wireless Internet
– I know, most of you are like what the ? I’ve had that shit since ’94! Well I’m staying with my parents who live in Strasbourg which technologically speaking is the equivalent of a third world country. We just got high-speed last year. So sit your laptop on your lap, turn on the PS3 and hit me up on Live – revello306.
3. Painkillers
– Now I’m not talking any sissy small time Advil or Tylenol. Since you can’t bring the morphine home, get your doc to hook you down with some T3’s at the very least. Shout out to my male-nurse Josh at the Frisco hospital for hooking me up with a prescription for 50 tabs of Vicodin. Not only does it eliminate pain, but every other feeling in your body.
* On a serious side note, take it slow, Vicodin is also the drug that Dr. House is addicted to on the show House, and I’m pretty sure a bunch of celebs have overdosed on it, so just keep it real.
4. Microwaveable Meals
– Nobody likes cooking when you’re sick or hurt, so spending the least amount of time in the kitchen is key. Ichiban is stock, and you can get it in a ton of flavors, as well as my personal favorite; Kraft Dinner in a cup. When that just won’t do it, Safeway usually has deals on Hungry Man meals which are greasy as fuck, but will do exactly what they’re supposed to do. Also, a bag of buns and a package of bologna is literally perfect for any meal of the day.
5. Vitamins/ Vitamin Water
– As serious and necessary as the last four topics were, your parents will actually agree with this one. If you don’t like the taste of multi-V’s or Vitamin C or have some issue with pills, you can get kids multi-vitamin gummy bears. I don’t care how old you are, eating candy that is truthfully good for you may be the best invention in the history of the world… since Vitamin Water… tons of flavors, tastes great, ridiculously good for you, and endorsed by 50 Cent which means it’s gangsta too. Go down to wholesale foods, pick up a crate of this stuff in Lemonade, and drink your illness away.
* If you’re feeling boring or cheap, regular water is alright too.
6. Banger Websites
– No, not porno. Banger Sites are online gold mines of entertainment. Seeing as how being good at the
internet is part of my job, I have shortlisted my top five websites for the down and out skater/snowboarder.
If your into Moto, call Daku. Here we go:
1. snowboarding.transworld.net – No questions asked 2. theberrics.com – Koston and Berra’s park of skate gods 3. push.ca – Literally up to the minute news 4. helgasons.com – Hilarious AND gnarly 5. streetjesus.net – need I say more?
If you’re into online shopping, don’t be. This tends to cause more issues than needed in order to save you that extra $30… support your local shop. * If you still don’t want to leave your home, sunshineandski.com always has some good deals and the xtreme-adrenaline website is pretty rad as well.
7. Creamsicles
– More of a summer thing and goes well with a fan/air-conditioning. Not only are Creamsicles just plain delicious, they’re soothing for the throat and perfectly refreshing on the hottest summer days. See below for the picture of my fridge.
8. Supporting crew
– Mom, dogs, family, friends, and girlfriend. Life’s just a lot easier with the people who matter the most around to help you out when you’re feeling down. Whether it be cooking for you, covering your shifts at work, or just being around to tell you how bad you smell; a good supportive crew is the best thing for a speedy recovery.
* Note getting a good girlfriend is a little harder than grabbing a box of creamsicles from your local store, but in time will prove to be extremely worthwhile. Shout out to my girl dj Lene for hooking me up for my video part.
9. An external hard drive
– I almost didn’t put this on here, but these things are so clutch it’s not even funny. Get your girl (or boy) to load you up with 500 gigs of seasons of Entourage, or Lost, or Glee or whatever the fuck you’re into. All your favorite TV shows and movies on one device. DVD’s are a thing of the past.
10. A positive attitude
– Everything will be alright. Actually. Unless your back is broken (like our dear friend KP or Danny Davis) it will only be a matter of time so just live it out. Don’t rush, do it right the first time and you won’t have to do it again. Although not being able to shred feels like the worst thing in the world, stick to this guide and you’ll see that life isn’t too bad after all… and remember, it could be worse.
This has been Jesse “The Sunshine Kid” Bryksa reporting for streetjesus.net LIVE from My Parents Couch, Saskatchewan, and it’s official; the future is bright.
“Jesse Bryksa is a close personal friend of the streetjesus team and has been for some time. When we realized we had the chance to work together we had to jump at the opportunity. We would like to wish Jesse a speedy recovery and hope he is back tearing up Regina and area in no time. If you want to see more of his work check out TEAM SUNSHINE for the latest news on all things shred. Thanks again to Jesse for doin’ it like a gangsta!” -ty